Faith: Belief that is not based on proof

Faith is a belief that is not based on proof per the dictionary online. 

I don't really have a lot of faith. I have a lot of fear. I find that the more I flex my courage muscle, the more I speak up anyway, the more I just put it out in the universe, the things that I feared most don't come forth. I throw them into the light, ready to run for cover and find that there is nothing there. The police don't beat me with the ugly stick, or hit me over the head for missing that step, no one points and laughs (out loud anyway), no one throws me out of the room, no one questions my right to be there and no one gives me a 'you look like a stupid idiot' ticket....though I do get those looks sometimes...but whatever...sticks, stones...kiss...my...ass...

But for whatever reason, MDB has faith in me. That, or she really likes laughing at me.....which isn't so bad because I like laughing at myself too. Sometimes, it's even on purpose! 

MDB has mentioned on several occasions that she would like me to audition for Joel Hall Second Company. There was an audition this past weekend. I have seen the dancers in Joel Hall First Company.....they are the real deal holy field. Even the dancers in the second company.....

Let me mention now that I have not been to a dance class in almost 5 weeks and had not danced for more than 20 consecutive minutes while in San Diego for work. 

I didn't go. I didn't think that I could do it. And then I go to teach tonight and find out someone else that came for the free day had enough gumption to audition without any training. And I think to myself "Oh ye of little faith....you auditioned for the Lyric Opera for Salome in 2006. You didn't think you would last the first round and you were one of the three finalist. You didn't think you could stand up to your boss at work and you did and it's better now. You didn't think you would buy a condo and you did. You didn't think you could go to ballet class and you did. You didn't think you'd ever do a triple pirouette, figure out the difference between a glissade, assemblage and sissone and you did (Thanks Nancy and Youtube). You didn't think you could write and you write a blog and articles for a magazine. You didn't think you could lose weight and you did. How many times will you lie to yourself because you are afraid of the voices in your head or the opinions of others? How many times will you allow yourself to be sidelined from your happiness because you are too afraid to try? What else would you do....if you just had a little more faith?" 

Maybe MDB has more than faith. Maybe she sees something in me in class that I don't see while trying to figure out my footwork, arms, and facing. Maybe while I am looking at ethereal she is looking at my potential. 

When I walked into Joel Hall on Monday evening for Ballet I-II, I said hello to at least 10 different people that knew me (at least as "that black chick that takes ballet class") and several said that they missed me yesterday at the auditions. It made me smile. I was missed. People noticed that I wasn't where they thought I should be. 

Here's to a little more faith :) and a little less fear