We are funny things – human beings. We can’t sustain any emotion for extended periods of times.
That person we couldn’t LIVE WITHOUT is getting on our LAST DAMN nerve. That home that would make our family closer, divides us creating separate living experiences, sometimes creating strangers out of loved ones. That new car with ‘bun warmers’ and auto start for the cold winter nights is city worn and driven down. That promotion that promised more money has quickly been absorbed into new ‘expenses’. That dress and those shoes that make you look 10 pounds lighter, legs longer and ankles slimmer doesn’t make the cut anymore and ends up in the thrift store drop off bag. And losing that last 10 pounds didn’t make you funnier, sexier, or get you into those stupid ass skinny jeans.
But what we do remember, what we do retain, are experiences.
We remember the first time we rode a plane. We remember that first person that made our heart race. We remember that first heartbreak. We remember when we learned that you can't make people love you in return. We remember the time we bungee jump, ride a roller coaster, sky dive, ski, or travel to a different country. We remember that one time someone made you so angry. We remember that really great vacation. We remember the crazy parts of college. We remember that silly Halloween costume. We remember being the outsider. We remember sitting by a hospital bed or waiting room. We remember getting that phone call that changes everything….the first one, second one, third, etc. We remember the first time we lose someone we really love. We remember finding out that life isn't all about you. We remember that small kindness that made your day. And everyone has a story that starts with “Remember that one time...” insert when you flashed a police officer while driving on Lake Shore Drive because your belly dance top untied, danced on a table completely sober and fell off, smacked that one guy for saying something inappropriate, forgot to put on underwear, caught your drunk friend from undressing in public, completed a double dog dare, went on your first solo vacation, or kissed the most beautiful guy/girl/person you’ve ever seen up close, in person and they kissed you back.
I couldn’t tell you all the stuff I bought this year. It all falls under clothes, food, beverage, shoes, etc.
But I do remember going to Barcelona and Madrid for the first time and using the little bit of Spanish I retained from 6 years of education. I remember going on medical leave because I was seriously afraid that I was losing my mind. I have never been that afraid before. I remember wondering how my life had gotten away from me. I remember the moment I decided to reclaim it (August 12, 2012 sitting on my living room floor hand making a journal). I remember the anxiety of going to my first ballet class. I remember the first time I didn’t feel anxiety going to ballet class. I remember being tricked into Modern 2 dance class by MDB. I remember that long ass flight to Bangkok...and coming back. I remember spending a lovely week in Los Angeles with my friend, Audrey and meeting a gorgeous Colombian and Ecuadorian man. I remember doing two triple pirouettes in class. I remember the look on my boss' face when I told her every reason I don't really trust her and how I view her treatment of me. I remember letting go of Hipnotic. I remember sitting on the curb and listening to Bruce Springsteen outside of Wrigleyville – not for the music, but for the people watching. I remember my friend having her first baby and knitting her a baby blanket – tell her it is ‘baby barf’ color so no one will know that all the spots didn’t get washed out. I remember Hurricane Sandy and the photos of floating SUVs. And I will remember the Newtown tragedy.
When we see tragedy, it’s that much more horrible not just because it happened to them – but because it could happen to any of US. It literally could have happened Anywhere, USA.
This year has been a gift because some people did not make it to this year. Some people will not bring in the next one. Some people will not be here after this evening.
Life isn’t about stuff. It’s about the little things that move our hearts, souls and bodies to sing, and dance – the ability to touch, feel, and love and be loved in return. It's not about that car that's spends more time parked on the street and not in your bedroom. It's not about that new purse, shoes, belt combination that will 'set' that outfit - because in four months or less - it won't be the 'outfit. It's not about eating that last cookie (but I'm not opposed to it being about that last cookie!). It's not about that last ten pounds. It's not about that 4 bedroom house and 3.5 baths (unless you have lots of kids - then please whatever you need to do so they don't kill each other). It's not about the 'work' sitting on your desk unless it is saving lives, making a difference in someone else's life or curing the incurable.
And while I can’t do splits (yet), nail a regular triple pirouette, speak Spanish or French with fluency or fly; you best believe I will remember when I can.
Life is not about the destination, it's about the journey in between.
