Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Human Landscapes

Reader Alert: This is a performance review - not more insight into my screwed up soul. Enjoy :)

I purchased a $81 Joffrey subscription straight from the Joffrey instead of taking on the Groupon. My logic being that the Joffrey would get the whole $81 instead of a portion from Groupon.

To my surprise, Athanasia and I ended up with lower level box seats in the Auditorium Theater. If you’ve never been to the Auditorium Theater in Chicago, it is old world beauty and charm, with amazing acoustics and modern technology. The off kilter tiled floors, grand sloping worn marble steps, domed ceilings and archways give the sense of magic and excitement. And then you walk into the actual Auditorium….the ceiling gives way to gilded gold tile and marble, gold toned fabric theater seats, the orchestra pit (with live orchestra) and the giant red curtain. It’s majestic and magnificent. I think – I’d love to dance on this stage. I’d love to see the dressing rooms, backstage, ropes, props and back hallways. I’d love to be waiting in the wing for the music to start. But it’s not my turn to perform. It’s my turn to watch.

The Forgotten Land had this wondrous back drop of a cloud filled sunset sky. I couldn’t tell if there was a lighting element or if the performers literally made me think the sky was lighter or darker at different parts of the performance. It was so subtle, so small, and almost unnoticeable how the sky changed with each performance group. The movement started before the music did. Without any audio cue, I wondered how they could tell other than the sound of the rapidly rising and vanishing curtain. They danced as a group. They danced as pairs. They moved in harmony. They moved in rhythm. They moved. And we moved with them.

Pretty Ballet was, in fact, beautiful. The curtain rises again. The stage is covered with dancers in varying positions. And the eye immediately goes to the very tall man holding up a woman in red slippers with a bit of red in her light almost white blue dress and tutu. She is moving a bit robot-like, smooth, fluid but only at the joints. He walks off with her and the stage moves into a symphony of sound and beauty. Trios and quintets of women and men dance together, dance separately, create symmetry, create opposition and create beauty. I couldn’t have told you what the back drop was, if there was one. I never saw it. I couldn’t stop watching the dancers. Then the couple comes back – the woman in the red slippers and the very tall man. Oddly, he does not appear to dwarf her onstage, but I am also sitting higher up….my perception is definitely skewed. It was over in a breath and the curtain closed again.

The finale was the Green Table. The red curtain disappears and the stage has a green table in the center with 6 to 7 dancers on each side wearing old men masks dressed in black suits. As the dance unfolds, it appears to be a conference of leaders convening. There is an obvious disagreement and the stage goes black. And then Death is on the stage. Dressed as a soldier with a black helmet, black boots, and skeletal black lines, Death starts his death march. Soldiers appear marching to war led by a white flag that gets darker and dirtier with each appearance. The women left behind weep, wail and mourn for their loved ones. The men are taken. Some of the women are taken. Some people go violently, others quietly, others welcome Death with their arms wide open and others without much fanfare or circumstance. And when it’s over, there again is the green table, where it starts, between men disagreeing…..and sending others to their deaths.

I left thinking about how wonderful a live orchestra is with ballet. I left thinking I wish I was half as talented at one thing. I left thinking each performance would be worth $81 - not three separate performances. I left thinking - I am going to ballet class on Monday :)

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Triple Pirouette

I went to ballet level I-II last night. My regularly scheduled Monday night ballet I class has been upgraded.
The new menu is challenging to the palette with mind boggling combinations.

LBC called to make sure I was coming to class, which is only that much more ironic because she’s been missing in action for almost a year. But I was happy to hear from her and glad to hear that she was coming to class.

So I walk into Joel Hall Dance Studios and sign in. The fish bowl is alive and teaming with dancers rehearsing for a big fundraiser in November. A gospel piece is in motion and while there is chattering in the background; mostly we are trying not to press our faces against the glass in awe.

MDB, LBC and I walk back to studio B to find two other women at the barre. As we line up more women slide in and line up. MDB has thankfully left the pliĆ© combination the same – that cannot be said of anything else. As she began showing us the latest combinations of tomfoolery and mayhem for tendus, degages, and frappes – I feel my eyes glaze over as my neurons forge new path ways to figure out what the hell is going on here.

LBC is lost as well and I’m helping her screw up by being in the very front on the second side. I hear random outbursts of “Dammit Jatare!” “Crap” and “Shit” from time to time, but mostly I giggle to myself and try to look at ethereal instead of watching my foot touch down.

Once we’ve started the floor combinations, I find that I’m not as anxious about standing in the broken mirror. I’ve decided its ok to be distorted from time to time. The adagio was challenging but completely within my realm of doable. But considering I’d recently survived Modern Dance III – I figured my perspective might seriously be askew…..

We get to a combination of pique, balance, pirouette, and arabesque and run away – and I actually nailed a triple pirouette!! I’ve finally gotten to the point where I could do two pirouettes without falling to the ground in a jumble of arms, hips and thighs….and I was working up to three, but wasn’t quite there.
And then I did it again…..finally, after all the times I smacked my living room floor, got back up and tried again….and now I want four.

Sometimes you are given gifts, sometimes you are blessed with talent, sometimes you are given grace, but most times, if you want it – you have to put that work in and earn it.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Shit that Scares Me

I'm on a streak of doing things that scare me.

I told my boss of 9 years all the crap that I'd been editing, holding on to, or not saying at all because every time it was time for me to stick up for myself and call a spade a spade, I got angry about it. And as most people know, you can't be perceived as 'emotional' in corporate America. You can be friendly, funny, outgoing and personable - but you can't be emotional at all. You better like this shit and be happy YOU GOT A JOB! So imagine her surprise when in complete calm, I opened my mouth and bitch smacked her with the truth. When this two hour bitch fest was over, she was in tears and I was over it. Really truly without remorse or shame, over it. Here's all the shit I've been taking and how I FEEL about it.

Then my dance partner of 10 years, Neta, and I had a heart to heart about our belly dancing. We've decided to go our separate ways. We've been slowly and surely telling our community (Sorry if you are just now finding out) but our last performance as Hipnotic is November 4th. We still plan to continue belly dancing, teaching our students, and even agreed to still teach the turkish drop workshop together - but we are growing and we want to explore that without hindering each other. We are going to put up an official 'under construction' sign by the end of this year.

I have talked about living in a different country for as long as I can remember. I've even visited places I could see living for awhile. The most obvious concern is money - how do I fund a living outside the US? And the other day, Groupon provided the answer. I bought an online Teaching English as a Second Language certification course for a ridiculously low amount of money. I also think I'm going to sign up for a bartender class - teach english in the morning, bartend and belly dance at night.

So when I knew I would be free tonight because my advance students would not be available, I allowed MDB to talk me into coming to a Modern dance class tonight. MDB has been talking about this class for months now. So I agree to come tonight. And since I'm considering moving class to a different night, I might be available for this class every Tuesday....should I be so inclined.

I walk into Joel Hall and see WG, the instructor is on the floor stretching while reading the Red Eye. I announce "I'm taking your class tonight!" WG says, "I've only been waiting for TWO years. Alright, now!!" I reply, "Don't hurt me. I will disappear and go to the bathroom and never come back!" We both laugh as I approach the sign up sheet. I look over both sheets and start muttering "I'm gonna kill her. I'm gonna kill her! I can't BELIEVE she didn't tell me what class level this was...she is SO DEAD." I'd just committed to going to Modern Dance III. I haven't even been to a Modern Dance class in more than 12 years! Let alone a Modern Dance class for ADULTS!!

MDB is nowhere in sight. I gather my courage, sit on the bench and put on my slippers. Breathe in, breathe out. Then Ms. Long Hair walks up and says "Are you here for jazz or that other really hard class?" Breathe in, breathe out. "I'm taking Modern. Are you?" "Oh NO! You should take the other guys class on Sunday, it's much slower." With that Ms. Long Hair walks away to change. I swallow. Breathe in. Breathe out. MDB walks in and she's smiling at the look on my face. We exchange a greeting and some banner - mostly about me killing her. And then we start class.

WG thinks my fear is funny and he calls me to the front of the class by saying "Missy in the striped shirt, front and center. " Everyone turns to look at me and I toss my striped shirt on the floor, leaving me in a white tank top and look around too. We all laugh and get started.

I will spare you all the stuff I didn't do, feelings of foolishness, and other criticisms. After 90 minutes of trying, doing and sweating,  I was victorious. I didn't cower in the corner. I didn't give up before I started. I made my mistakes. I made WTF face. I squeezed MDB's ear. I squeezed MDB. I tried. I tried and I tried again. I was scared, but I did it. I enjoyed it. I'm going to do it again.

I guess I'll try dating next....that's definitely scary shit.