And then there was 20

Once again I was late to ballet class. 
I got there on time, but I had to register. I don't know what it is about registering at the desk. And it's my own fault. I could pre-register for class online, sign in at the desk, but then I feel like why would you need a front desk person if they can't process your payment onsite. 

It's raining out and I slide in on slippery wet flip flops and hand over my card with 10 minutes to spare. I take off my slippery flip flops and put on my ballet slippers, but the bottom of my pants are wet as well. 

As I walk back to the desk, David 3.5 is looking at the computer confused....which is not a good sign - and I look up at the clock to find that it's 5 minutes to class. Someone else walks in and signs up for ballet. David 3.5 says class is in room D. Miss Someone goes to B. Instead of him finishing my transaction, he jumps up and runs down the hall after her. Wasting another 5 minutes....sigh. 

I get to class 8 minutes late to find that all the bars are all in the middle of the floor and including myself - there are 20 of us for barre. It's hot, sticky and me and Miss Curlyhead play arm and hand tag trying not to touch each other while doing port de bras.

"No stomaches touching those thighs! Pull your belly button towards your spine." MDB yells out. 

Side Bar: I don't even think that's possible......
Physie: Yup...belly on thigh action happening
Menty: Let's pretend, shall we? And GO

After we move the barres so Miss Curlyhead and I stop playing hand footies, we move into our tendu, dégagé, rond de jambe, and frappe combinations. Now this is called beginner ballet, but there wasn't much beginner about these combinations. And I feel really good about myself. I didn't do them all right, but I didn't let it frustrate me or stop me from trying again. 

We move from the barre to the floor and it's time for the adagio. We are working on a-false and timing. There are 18 of us. Normally, I try for a far side position in the non-cracked mirror. Today, I decide front and center is just fine. We move through adagio to petit allegro to grande allegro stopping in between to get through a few jumping exercise. 

Now, the nice thing there being so many people in class is....it uses up a lot more time. This is the largest class I've ever been in. I didn't particularly enjoy having that many people in class. Class size is typically between 8 to 12....and suddenly there was 20!!

I'm hoping to get Joel's class on Saturday. Wish me luck.

Again...and Again...and Again

I stopped going to ballet for a while. Most of August and part of September really. 

I needed to take a moment to recharge my batteries, refocus my priorities, figure out what direction I planned to go in next and how I was planning to get there. And while I must say, my batteries are definitely ready to go, I've got a lot of hard conversations ahead of me to refocus my priorities based on the pathway I'm scoping out. 

So this week, I've committed to picking back up the pieces that I'm planning to keep. Some pieces are going to remain in play until I can comfortably set them aside. Some pieces are going to fall to the wayside dramatically like forgotten children's toys and others will be deleted from existence with the click on my Facebook page. 

I went back to ballet tonight. I was late. I was handling another priority that I have long set aside and looked up as I finished with enough time to throw on the 'biking' sports bra (aka no hooks and not a lot of support) and grab the ballet 'bag' by the door. 

The class was full. I wasn't the last one to walk in either. I knew almost everyone in the class. I prefer to stand at the side barre....no full frontal contact with myself because I will just compare, compare, compare....is my leg high enough? turned out enough? thin enough? 'right' enough? Her's is higher, straighter, longer, leaner, pointy-er than mine.

I end up at a barre facing the mirror. It's a particular 'hell' that's saved for the floor part of ballet. 

But tonight....I'm in a different mental space. I don't criticize or compare myself. Menty, Physie and Side Bar have been silent for more than 6 weeks and they decide not to come out and play with me tonight. I don't think about size or height. I don't even think about being right or wrong (too much). I just do. 

I stay present. I stay with each moment...breathing in, breathing out...moving, listening, doing and being. 

I get combinations right. I get combinations wrong. I don't become afraid. I don't become angry. I don't let it discourage me or distract me. I try again....and again....and again. I turn in the wrong direction. I miss the beat. I catch the beat. I miss the move. Again....again...again. 

I felt like I was at home....again. Even when I walked in late, Joel Hall came around the corner, gave me a big smile and hugged me. Jackie, a dancer in the first company, smiled and hugged. Kareen smiled, hugged and said it was good to see Ms. Jatare. 

And if I wasn't already committed to being in a show in Milwaukee on Saturday, I'd be at Joel Hall's Dance Studio taking my corrections, remembering to breathe and hoping Mr. Hall didn't hop off that stool!!

It's nice to be back....again :)