But instead I throw half the contents of my closet on the floor looking for my workout pants that make me feel "less" fat. I know it appears for all intensive purposes like I am completely comfortable in my skin - you would be mistaken. I never feel more acutely out of place then when I'm surrounded by my knobby kneed, long limbed, slender like ballet beginners (or intermediates, etc).
It only makes since that I'm a belly dancer. There aren't any super skinny belly dancers headlining belly dance companies - they at minimal look like real women. I'm not intimidated by well trained size 2 belly dancer - she's not the standard or a requirement. In ballet - that's all there is. And if you don't have the right body type.....you are OUT!! Thanks for passing Go - but you don't collect $200.
So I pull on my 'less' fat workout pants, put on my sports bra, drop on my Tribal Fest 2009 top and pack my courage and my ass in my Honda Civic. As I enter Joel Hall Dance Studio for the umpteenth time this year, I'm registered once again by a 'Not David', but I'm not surprised or even slightly annoyed.
I decide to get my 'act' together so I can be ready for class...and in strolls MDB with a steak taco in hand - as I hand her a healthy apple :). (She's about 90 pounds soaking wet, by the way.) We hug and I instantly feel better.
We walk into class and I find the Young One is in class tonight as well as two second company members and one woman with lots of hair. Before we get started MDB tells us how she slowly dislocated her floater rib and her chiropractor relocated it.
Side Bar: Relocated to where? Her lower abs? I got some fat I'd like to 'relocate'.
Menty: I think as in - they put it back.
Side Bar: Back in the socket and relocate are the same thing?
Menty: Google it...
After we move through the usual plie combination that only I remember all the way through (take that Young One), we move into tendus. Halfway through the tendu combination, three preteen girls show up late to class. They jump into the combinations as MDB explains the new time structure - short for i.e. don't show up late to my class again.
After we totally flub the rond de jamb and frappe combinations, MDB has mercy on us and lets us do mostly normal battements - one set flat, the next with plies, the last two sets on releve.
We move to another room so we can do center floor work which is when the preteens decide it's chat time. MDB begins to give us the adagio...and they keep talking. After MDB finishes the combination, I turn to the girls and ask them if they are staying - they ignore me. SO I SAY IT LOUDER - ARE YOU STAYING IN CLASS? Everyone is looking at them now.
Preteen girls: Ummmm....yeah.
Side Bar: Ok. Well, I can't hear the combination with YOU TALKING.
Preteen girls: blink, blink, blink....
MDB: Girls, if you are going to talk, you are going to have to go outside.
Preteen girls: blink, blink, blink....
Menty: Maybe they're two standard deviations below the mean....
Side Bar: That was a really nice way of calling them retarded
Menty: That's the actual definition....and if the shoe fits....
We finish the center floor work combinations with lots of jumping, arm waving, and su-suing involved. It was definitely a two sports bra kinda day. In the absence of necessary support, the twins were forced to jiggle at every jump. Thankfully, I remain without black eyes.
We move to the traveling floor combinations, which involve more jumping, turning, skipping, hopping and arm waving. It's all graceful and beautiful on the talented, but for the rest of us - it's a lot of WTF faces and turning in the wrong direction.
Maybe I should have my brain relocated...
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