Yes, thee - not the.
Yes, I am still taking beginner classes. Yes, I am still a beginner.
Like any art form, it takes years, possibly decades to master. I am still a beginner. I will be for many more years I suspect, but I have a lot more patience and respect for my body and its limitations - as well as my mental ones as well.
Some of the most important things I've learned this year:
1) I need to be MENTALLY and PHYSICALLY present in class. It's not enough to show up - I need to have the capacity to learn - not just the ability to do.
2) My emotional state - no matter how illogical and irrational - can make or break my learning experience. I need to pay attention to it even more than just my mental and physical state. My emotional state has the capability of mental torture so cruel, I can be physically handicapped by it.
3) Patience. I want so bad to be good - that I fail to remember that the people I am looking at, learning from, watching from a distance - have given up (happily) many things to be what I aspire to be like.
4) Focus on the Goal. I am ambitious enough to take the class. I need to be ambitious enough to put in the work. My goal was to take the class, learn the technique, attain some grace, be inspired, learn to pirouette without injury (epic fail on this one :), and become a better dancer. I'm still working on all those things.
5) Practice. If you perform at the level that you practice - then I need to practice more - for everything. It is not enough to NOT FALL ON MY ASS. I need to not fall on my ass with grace :)
6) Managing my fear. Most people would think I'm not afraid of anything - they would be wrong. I'm always afraid - of failure, of foolishness, of being ostracized, of going to the right instead of left and vice versa. But instead of trying to conquer each fear, I just manage my response to it better. I work through my mental and emotional fight and flight mechanism and try to become comfortable with being uncomfortable.
7) Failure - the quickest way to learn something. Rachel Brice said during on 3 hour workshop - that one of her teachers said, "The fastest way to learn is to fail. Fail faster." You recognize the mistake, you adjust, you try again. You try again. You try again. You try again. Each try you learn something else, something new, something different about you, the process, the movement, the way things work - fail faster - learn better. I also learned that failure doesn't kill you - neither does embarrassment. And if they do - I don't want to be the FIRST CASUALTY!!!
8) Respecting my body. My body is not small, fine bones with dainty fingers and toes. I cannot make it into something it is not. No matter how little I eat. No matter how small I get - my frame does not change. My muscles will. The amount of fat will. My shape does not. When I do not listen to my body - I hurt myself. When I do not respect its limitations - I hurt myself. When I push it hard and demand more than it can give - I hurt myself. I need to listen better. I need to respect and honor it - I only have this one.
9) Flaws and All. My teachers do not look at me and wish I was something different. MDB doesn't think my knees are chubby - she thinks they are just as capable as the next set. Mr. Heinz doesn't want me to have a narrow ass - he wants me to keep the one I do have under me. Miss M doesn't want me to jump higher because I'm tall, she wants me to jump as high as it's safe with proper technique. And Mr. Hall doesn't think 'who is this beginner in my ballet 2 class?", he thinks I'm a student worth having. I'm not perfect. I'm my worst critic and harshest judge - I need to be kinder to myself - flaws and all.
10) Just Dance. No other art form is so fleeting. Books are printed. Movies are recorded. Painting are framed. Dance is a living art form. No moment is ever exactly the same ever again. No performance is exactly the same. The energy is never the same. When it's time, just dance. Staying in that moment is priceless and it never comes again.
I'm not the same person from last year. I'm not the same dancer. I would like to believe that I'm more present now than any other point in my entire life. I don't want to fade into someone else's background - I want to own my little piece of spotlight my whole life. It doesn't matter if I'm looking at Ethereal ;) or watching my toes. I going to dance my whole life or as long as God gives me the ability to do so.
Thank you all that have read, followed, learned, laughed (with and at me), cried, commented, been frustrated, had patience, plied, pirouetted and fallen with me. This is the first time I've ever written anything with any consistency and meaning to me- it was an experience in and of itself. All of your comments, critiques, criticisms, opinions, encouragement and references to Side Bar, Menty and Physie have been appreciated. It's like having your own cheering section especially on those days when I wanted to give up and give in.
I will continue writing about ballet class, but instead of daily - it will be a weekly review. I have no idea how I'm going to do that seeing as my daily adventures are so long. Or maybe I will just write about Mr. Hall's class - at any rate, I don't think I can stop writing. I love it as much as I love to dance. Maybe writing is my next adventure :)
Yes, I am still taking beginner classes. Yes, I am still a beginner.
Like any art form, it takes years, possibly decades to master. I am still a beginner. I will be for many more years I suspect, but I have a lot more patience and respect for my body and its limitations - as well as my mental ones as well.
Some of the most important things I've learned this year:
1) I need to be MENTALLY and PHYSICALLY present in class. It's not enough to show up - I need to have the capacity to learn - not just the ability to do.
2) My emotional state - no matter how illogical and irrational - can make or break my learning experience. I need to pay attention to it even more than just my mental and physical state. My emotional state has the capability of mental torture so cruel, I can be physically handicapped by it.
3) Patience. I want so bad to be good - that I fail to remember that the people I am looking at, learning from, watching from a distance - have given up (happily) many things to be what I aspire to be like.
4) Focus on the Goal. I am ambitious enough to take the class. I need to be ambitious enough to put in the work. My goal was to take the class, learn the technique, attain some grace, be inspired, learn to pirouette without injury (epic fail on this one :), and become a better dancer. I'm still working on all those things.
5) Practice. If you perform at the level that you practice - then I need to practice more - for everything. It is not enough to NOT FALL ON MY ASS. I need to not fall on my ass with grace :)
6) Managing my fear. Most people would think I'm not afraid of anything - they would be wrong. I'm always afraid - of failure, of foolishness, of being ostracized, of going to the right instead of left and vice versa. But instead of trying to conquer each fear, I just manage my response to it better. I work through my mental and emotional fight and flight mechanism and try to become comfortable with being uncomfortable.
7) Failure - the quickest way to learn something. Rachel Brice said during on 3 hour workshop - that one of her teachers said, "The fastest way to learn is to fail. Fail faster." You recognize the mistake, you adjust, you try again. You try again. You try again. You try again. Each try you learn something else, something new, something different about you, the process, the movement, the way things work - fail faster - learn better. I also learned that failure doesn't kill you - neither does embarrassment. And if they do - I don't want to be the FIRST CASUALTY!!!
8) Respecting my body. My body is not small, fine bones with dainty fingers and toes. I cannot make it into something it is not. No matter how little I eat. No matter how small I get - my frame does not change. My muscles will. The amount of fat will. My shape does not. When I do not listen to my body - I hurt myself. When I do not respect its limitations - I hurt myself. When I push it hard and demand more than it can give - I hurt myself. I need to listen better. I need to respect and honor it - I only have this one.
9) Flaws and All. My teachers do not look at me and wish I was something different. MDB doesn't think my knees are chubby - she thinks they are just as capable as the next set. Mr. Heinz doesn't want me to have a narrow ass - he wants me to keep the one I do have under me. Miss M doesn't want me to jump higher because I'm tall, she wants me to jump as high as it's safe with proper technique. And Mr. Hall doesn't think 'who is this beginner in my ballet 2 class?", he thinks I'm a student worth having. I'm not perfect. I'm my worst critic and harshest judge - I need to be kinder to myself - flaws and all.
10) Just Dance. No other art form is so fleeting. Books are printed. Movies are recorded. Painting are framed. Dance is a living art form. No moment is ever exactly the same ever again. No performance is exactly the same. The energy is never the same. When it's time, just dance. Staying in that moment is priceless and it never comes again.
I'm not the same person from last year. I'm not the same dancer. I would like to believe that I'm more present now than any other point in my entire life. I don't want to fade into someone else's background - I want to own my little piece of spotlight my whole life. It doesn't matter if I'm looking at Ethereal ;) or watching my toes. I going to dance my whole life or as long as God gives me the ability to do so.
Thank you all that have read, followed, learned, laughed (with and at me), cried, commented, been frustrated, had patience, plied, pirouetted and fallen with me. This is the first time I've ever written anything with any consistency and meaning to me- it was an experience in and of itself. All of your comments, critiques, criticisms, opinions, encouragement and references to Side Bar, Menty and Physie have been appreciated. It's like having your own cheering section especially on those days when I wanted to give up and give in.
I will continue writing about ballet class, but instead of daily - it will be a weekly review. I have no idea how I'm going to do that seeing as my daily adventures are so long. Or maybe I will just write about Mr. Hall's class - at any rate, I don't think I can stop writing. I love it as much as I love to dance. Maybe writing is my next adventure :)
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