It May Never Be Possible

Originally posted on July 23, 2011

Mr. Heinz's Sunday morning class starts with me and Spunk walking into the reception area and finding a new skinny woman stretching on the floor. But this isn't just any 'skinny' woman, she's one of Mr. Heinz's fellow company members...i.e. someone else that doesn't really need to take this class...i.e. someone else that I will completely foolish next to on the barre.

Side Bar: Our Mission, if we choose to accept it, is to NOT be on the same ballet barre as New Skinny. 

Menty: We ACCEPT!!

Side Bar: Initiating avoidance sequence in 5,4,3,2

As Spunk and I start stretching, I listen to one of the owners praise Mr. Heinz to New Skinny - so much so I thought she was going to break into applause when he came through the door. New Skinny confirmed his wonderfulness and I tried my best not to barf a little in my mouth. I think Mr. Heinz's is fabulous too - but I'll pass on the gushing - thanks. 

We pull out the barres and Spunk and I are on the same barre. She's trying to talk me into going on the other side when the New Skinny comes over and throws her leg over the side - which pretty much ends our discussion. 

Side Bar: DAMN IT!!

Menty: Mission is EPIC FAIL!!

Side Bar: insert Deep Sigh

Menty: Let's just apply Jedi Knight focus and try not to screw up too bad. 

Side Bar: We are in intermediate ballet - TOO LATE!!

I spend the rest of barre trying not to feel too self-conscious about everything. The combinations were definitely more challenging and I know it's because of New Skinny, but I suck it up because it is intermediate. And I already know I'm the weakest link - GOOD BYE!

We move into a pirouette combination, followed by a sissone combination. And because we had not performed it to his standard - he makes us repeat them both again and again - and thankful time runs out! 

At one point in his explanation of the sissone combination - he stops and says "It smells like dust burning." My response: Sorry - that's just my BRAIN on FIRE trying to understand the combination!

I survive Mr. Heinz's class to go to MDB's class on Monday night. It's my first Monday night back for a few months and I'm a little nervous. 

I register and see MDB. We hug and I'm feeling less nervous and more secure. 

I walk into class, line up to the barre and find women putting on pointe shoes. 

Side Bar: Awwww....man. 

Menty: Oh well. If it's not one ballerina -it's your mother. 

Legs is wearing pointe shoes now. My right eyelid won't stop twitching. I can't watch. LBC (Lil Black Chick) walks in and lines up to the barre as well. I look at her and she just rolls her eyes. 

MDB starts the class with our usual plies - which aren't usual to me anymore - but I remember soon enough. 

MDB gives us our tendus, degages, rond de jambs, frappes and battements. Each time making sure she gave clarification to the women on pointe. I think it's great they do it - but I don't know that I want to hear about it. (I know that's bitchy - but it's true - class is hard enough in ballet slippers!) 

And since I don't get the combinations right on FLAT FEET - I sure as HELL ain't putting on POINTE SHOES!! POINTY SHOES - SURE - POINTE SHOES - HELL TO THE NO!!!

I begin to wonder again if I will ever have an excellent class. After some bickering back and forth between Side bar and Menty - we ALL agree - it may never be possible. 

Next, we try floor combinations. They weren't mind boggling, but did I do them correctly? Hmmm...maybe next week! And then we moved into the traveling combinations which included a combination of arabesques. I didn't ace these either. 

Self-awareness is overrated, y'all! Sometimes I wish I was a clueless wonder.