It's Funny because I'm NOT Doing It

Originally posted on June 12, 2012

I did go to class on Thursday, but other than seeing Lil Black Chick in class, it was pretty uneventful.

So I told Mr. Heinz's that I was coming to class today and I promised Spunk I would pick her up - which means I have to go. Spunk and I arrive at the dance door to find it locked. Spunk rings the buzzer and as I'm looking through the glass door to the top of the stairs, Mr. Heinz rounds the corner and scares the bejesus out of me (and Spunk). 

Mr. Heinz says "What you are guys doing down here?"

"The door's locked." I say as I reach for and open the door. 

"She just buzzed it." I say and Spunk goes up, then I go up and Mr. Heinz follows. 

I don't want to go in front of Mr. Heinz because I'm having an elephant ass kinda day, but whatever. 

"Sure." Mr. Heinz says like he doesn't believe me. 

"Umm...yeah, because I like standing outside the dance studio door instead of going to class." I blurt as I try to get up the stairs quickly. Just in case the thought crossed his mind to swat me for being a smartass. 

Spunk and I line up at the same barre. One of the owners and two other ladies line up at other barres. Mr. Heinz must have had a late night because he was nice enough to give us a warm up facing the barre. Typically he likes to start off with the whip, ring of fire and a lion. We complete our plie combinations without any fire emergencies.

When we move into tendus, I'm not sure if I need to start on the 'and' or the 'one' - it makes a difference - so I'm already off and this is only tendus. I'm following behind Spunk, whose strong little legs are moving so fast they have little blurry edges. Tendus - 1, Me - Zip.

At this point, I know class is going to go downhill and land with me in Shits Creek - no boat, no paddles. Every combination, henceforth, had at least one rond de jamb en l'air, one developpe in second position, one arabesque, one panache, and at least all of them on releve with or with a balance (mine - primarily without)!!

However, when it was time to stretch, Mr. Heinz says, " Ok. You are going to grab your leg and stretch it in front and side of you." And I think I blanked out for a second, so Ireally, really focused to be sure I heard him say what he said. "And then you are going to repeat it on the left side." Mr. Heinz finishes. Spunk is already looking at me. And like a timer going off:

"Hahahahahaha! I'M NOT DOING THAT! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Side Bar blurts out. 

The whole class breaks into laughter. 

"Ok, you can do splits or that." Mr. Heinz says between laughing. 

"See. Things like this is why I don't stay for floor work!" Side Bar finishes. 

More class laughter....

Side Bar: Not a chance in hell I'll be doing splits EITHER.

Menty: But nice that he thinks it's possible.

Side Bar: I guess...

Menty: I got nothing...

Barre - 1901 points, Me - Zip, Zulch, Zero, Nada....

I do stay for floor. I'm nervous as hell but what doesn't kill me makes me stronger....or is that stupider??

Mr. Heinz gives us a tendu combination with passes and pirouettes.

"When I fall, feel free to ask me if I'm ok before you all burst into laughter." I say before Mr. Heinz hits the music. 

More class laughter. 

I can actual do this one - and I can even make it through a double pirouette without wiping out.

However, I am no longer fooled by the easy opening. Our next combination involves tendus, arabesque in plie, on releve, passe and changing direction. I don't nail this combination, but it wasn't a complete disaster. The next combination involves glissade, assemblage, coupe front, coupe arabesque, coupe to the right, then the left, glissade, assemblage.  

Side Bar: Good luck. 

Physie: ok, so....right foot, left foot...

I don't face plant or butt plant for that matter. He does make us jump - a lot after that last combination. I go to the barre when he goes with faster music. 

Spunk and I are discussing teachers that give physical corrections and I remind her of the one I received from Mr. Heinz - when my ass was sticking out. He took his forearm and pushed it down my little back and pass my ass to push it down.  

And I was thinking "ass down, ass down - bad ass, bad!" Oh well - I haven't had to have THAT CORRECTION again.