Dear Bitchy

Originally posted June 17thI was suppose to go to Jazz class before ballet yesterday, but somehow I managed to loan my brother my car right before I needed to be there - and opps, look at that, Jazz has already started. So I get there in time to watch the end of Jazz class and get told once more how I need to get my collective ASS to that class. I shrug, smile and nod - please reference my motto: My ego can only handle sucking at ONE THING at a time - right now - it's ballet! (i.e. sucking at something I really really want to be good at - I suck at other stuff too, but I don't spend that much time, money or energy in getting those things right).

After having to put Mr. Ego out of our ballet fundamentals class (AGAIN),  we line up at the barre and listen to Miss M get the plies going. As I watch, I survey Bitchy (the name of my left knee) and he wasn't achy, touchy, feely or generally pissing me off or making me feel like a decreipt old woman. (Yes, Bitchy is a He - I typically don't have these problems with women, so it MUST be MALE!)

There are 6 of us in class, five women and one man. He is lined up behind me which makes me extremely uncomfortable because I didn't do a 'holy' check. I'm also suddenly very self-conscious because I'm still the largest woman in class - and now I have someone behind me when we do our port de bra - yes, I may be slightly ass-phobic (i.e. I don't want someone looking at my 'full moon' when I'm bending over in possibly HOLEY pants - even if I'm wearing black panties too).

As we roll through our plie and tendu combinations, I'm feeling fairly confident in my ballet vocabulary and overall aptitude. I'm not completely effing this UP! I'm getting it. I guess the cherry on top was that I was also the most experience one in class - but this is only undermined by being the MOST inept person in Mr. Heinz's Intermediate class. (Need I reference the whole standing split stretch incident...again?) We are moving into the degage and rond de jamb combinations where I start to screw up because I haven't got the arm thing down. We move into stretching and battements when Bitchy starts acting up.

Menty: We should probably take it easy.

Side Bar: It's ok. It's just a little touchy, but we are doing fine.

Menty: We should probably skip the jumps.

Side Bar: Let's see how it goes..

Menty: Let's not and say we did....

Away I go into the adagio and clear that without too much issue, but again Bitchy is starting to let me know that it's NOT all GOOD. We make it to jumps and I go for it - thinking - I should consider this rehab. I make it THRU jumps and into the traveling floor combinations when Bitchy finds his voice.

Bitchy: I said SIT DOWN DUMBASS!

Menty and Side Bar: OOOOOUUUUCCCHHHH!!

"I'm going to sit down over here." I whimper to Miss M.

Miss M and other class members watch me limp over to the bench and rub my left knee slowly. I take a few deep breaths and try not to feel like crap. I make it home to prop my knee and ice my Bitchy muscle.

Dear Bitchy - you are obviously a bad muscle near the top of my knee. My efforts to try to strengthen you have been met with extreme resistance. I don't appreciate your lack of cooperation. I do not want to have to re-work my choreography to accommodate you, but I will STILL EFFING PERFORM if I have to change my choreo. I'm trying to make peace with you, but you need to be warned - if you keep fuckin' with me - I may have to put you on drugs.

Signed: Physie, Menty, and Side Bar, Bitch!