Just Another Reason

Class was seriously full today. I think the second company members or auditionees' or something all came to fundamentals of ballet tonight. The barre had about 8 people and we pulled out two more to accommodate another 6. Class was 12 women and 2 men. 

Class is about to start when one of the guys comes in late - he puts his stuff down right in front of my feet at the barre and is about to walk away when I say, "REALLY? YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE THAT RIGHT THERE??"

To which he responds, "Oh." Giggles a little and then moves his stuff. 

MDB says, "See. I didn't even have to say anything. She knows." 

Physie - I didn't roll my eyes or anything. 

Menty - I'm really proud of you.

Side Bar - Oh brother.

MDB was quite funny tonight. I think she had clown for breakfast :)

She changed up the barre combinations tonight - and she found quite a few things that she wanted us to work on. She added pas de cheval to one of our combinations (I can't remember if it was tendus or degages), but she made us do it again slowly because she wanted it right. Then she made us re-do our chambres because our arms weren't correct. She told me I was covering my face, but I thought I was suppose to keep my arm in front of the 'receding hairline'. MDB said it does not apply to chambres - you must be able to see the face. 

Side Bar - Now she tells me...

Menty - Don't forget to lift both shoulders

Physie - Oh brother!

Then she moves us into battements, but there are so many people when we get to second position - we have to angle towards the barre to avoid kicking the crap outta the person next to us. MDB then does one of those annoying things that life long dancers and cheerleaders can do - lift their leg straight up in the air and hold it there without tipping over or grunting. MDB says, "Actually, I think this is the position you could be holding a teacup in the arch of your foot."

Side Bar - Good thing these white canvas ballet slippers are tied around my ankles twice. If I was wearing my black leather slippers I could whip it off and hit her upside her head. 

Menty - that's not nice.

Side Bar - We are in ballet fundamentals - now she's just showing off. 

Menty - it's her class and when she does shit like that  - it reminds us to be afraid.

Side Bar - Why do you think I want to throw a shoe? I didn't say I wanted to tip her over - that would be getting within close range. Duh??

Then we go into leg stretches at the barre, where we go into attitude while in arabesque (kinda) which feels weird and awkward. Late guys says,"Umm? Can I use that chair in the front - my attitude is broken." MDB says yes. I start laughing. 

Side Bar - LOL! DAMN! That's really funny, because my attitude is NEVER broken. It's always five seconds from breaking SOME THING :)

We step away from the barre and move onto Adagio - which I think is the name of slow floor combinations that are done in the center - but I'm not one hundred percent sure. I have to look that up. It's got these really nice swaying arms in the beginning - and makes another water reference (which is fine as long as my hair is dry) finally something that's an isolation that I can do - but of course I overdo it because I can almost never do anything right the first time. Which is only funnier because MDB says - don't be afraid to be exceptional to one of the ladies in class that's really good at jumps. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to encourage me to be a ham, though :)

Finally we move to the traveling floor combinations which are a little bit edited from Monday and Tuesday class, but I'm just realizing that I was doing those wrong as well!! Oh well I think i did better tonight. MDB promised that she would add jetes into a combination because I like to leap out the door - but with so many people in class - I almost jump into the barre or the piano. 

At the end of class I find out that MDB and I have the same birthday.  Now how is that for ironic? The other lady that wore point shoes to class has a birthday two days after. MDB is actually performing on our birthday. I think I'm going to have to make it a point to see her on our birthday :) But seriously, it's just another reason why I adore her :)

OH! And her sister is coming to town in November and she might be coming to a class. So just in case she's wondering - yes, I do look like my photo in person :) (I've even got regal head posture ;)- and you will probably end up in my note as well. And if you're nice - I'll let you pick your own acronym instead of being referred to as just MDB's Sister :)

Take Two for Tuesday

Now that I have two beginner ballet/ballet 1 classes to embarrass myself in - I have two times the opportunity to really humiliate myself. 

You would think one beginner ballet class and ballet fundamentals (i.e. people that don't know a plie from french fry) would be enough - but NOOOOO!! I need to be an overachiever and increase the likelihood that I will either be maimed by some super skinny amazon chick or crippled due to my own ineptitude :) - what's that saying: Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity: And I'm not sure about the universe - I think that's Einstein....

So I'm in class on Tuesday night and there are at least three unfamiliar faces, but that's ok because they are wearing ballerina clothing - aka that hideous ass flesh tone tight - barf! There are 8 of us in class and again - the men are missing, but I'm cool with that. The men are in the other classes for sure. MDB has been rockin the black tights - I think from day one...I'll definitely report if she loses her fashion sense, though :^)

Anyway, MDB does a repeat of Monday nights class (kinda) but starts throwing in cat references like:

Keep your back leg (in arabesque?) straight - like a cat's tail when it gets mad. That must be somebody else's cat...when Baby (my silver gray, green eyed maine coon) gets mad - he disappears to shit on something!!

Side Bar: I just KNOW MDB ISN'T SUGGESTING I CRAP AT THE BARRE! 

Menty: There will be no shitting at the barre - even if that's what she meant.

She was also making references to cat paws - but I missed that whole connection - I think Side Bar and Menty were going and I missed the association. But I'm sure she wasn't talking about holding onto the barre - because that's more like DEATH GRIP! 

So she whips out the alternating of the front foot, back foot thing again for most of the combos -which NOW I can get a little bit better because I've seen it once before. But what I don't see is that scary piece of notebook paper, so when MDB starts forgetting barre combinations - I SHUT THE HELL UP - hoping she will forget some of the harder stuff. Well, I need to kick ethereal ass because she remembered most of it anyway.

I did OK, but again at the end of class someone suggested I take the jazz class and MDB encouraged me again (ACK!). She's so cute - she said she didn't want to lose me - LOL! I did not just invest in 2 classes a week (now 3) for the last four months to drop it for Jazz class.  I may never get on pointe, but MDB is going to have to WORK ME A LOT HARDER to make me drop ballet class. Unless she really does start working with Mr. Heinz - he's great to look at, but his class is HARD AS HELL.  And it's about time I visit the devil for some humiliation and embarrassment too. 

Missing In Action

I have seriously been missing MDB and ballet classes. I was in New Orleans for one week but it feels like a full month. I talked to Ali (of N.O.madic tribal) about the ballet sitch in Nawlins - she said there was a waiting list to take class!! Only one location teaches beginner ballet in NO. And as my student and friend, Nancy, would say, "apparently in Chicago, we have an embarrassment of riches" in regards to the arts.  You could have ballet in the morning, jazz in the afternoon, a gallery opening in the evening - and still find a bar to have a glass of wine at 1am - on a Monday if you so chose. A waiting list for ballet was quite a shocker, but I guess I'm spoiled....maybe rotten??

Anyway, class begins with 6 women and MDB. And while most of my physical interactions with MDB involve her pointy little fingers and me cry assing about how much everything hurts - I actually hugged her when I saw her tonight. Don't worry - she hugged me back :) - she missed me too!

So I'm in my usual position at the front of the barre and MDB pulls out a NEW ASSORTMENT OF GOODIES! Instead of 'regular' tendus in all the necessary positions - she begins a combo that alternates front foot and back foot. 

Side Bar: Ummm...MDB is deviating from the pattern here...

Menty: Well, you know sometimes teachers have to mix it up.

Side Bar: But we've been gone for a week

Menty: Maybe this is her way of missing us??

Side Bar: I'll let you know when I think that shit is funny...

And OH! The fun doesn't stop there. She adds in petit battements with frappes that also alternate front foot and back foot - and degages and battements.....

Side Bar: WHO THE HELL HAS SHE BEEN HANGING OUT WITH? Mr. Heinz???

Menty: FOCUS! Shut up Side Bar!

Physie: Damn it everybody - I'm trying to work here!

We finish with the barre and move to floor combos and that's when I notice IT....the notebook paper with writing on it....sitting carefully on top of the piano. MDB has started crafting lesson plans for class. Cue scary movie music......

Side Bar: Menty, we have a problem. It's one thing for her to be in class making this stuff up on the fly - it's another for her to be organized and methodical in her torture...umm...teaching technique. 

Menty: I think our ass is in trouble.

Physie: You two suck. My ass has been tight all day just worrying about this class - AND NOW you two are getting a clue - UGH. I'm telling you it's all about the GUT feeling - day ONE - we shoulda been OUT HERE - but NOOOOOOOO

Side Bar: Wait, Physie - let me get you the world's SMALLEST violin.

I make it through the floor combos alright. My balance needs some work, but I'm not sure what I can do to improve it. The floor combos change regularly and don't really have a pattern - we cycle through the moves. Then we move to the flying circus part of the class - the traveling combos. Sometimes I feel like I would do better with a harness attached. I did alright for the most part of the traveling combos, but not my best - but definitely NOT my worst. 

After class was over, beginner jazz class students starting streaming into class. One of the ladies that I don't see in beginner ballet anymore, told me I should take beginner jazz class. So I had to inform her my philosophy about dance classes - I can ONLY SUCK at one thing at a time - my EGO can't take being bad at TWO things at once. And while I definitely suck at more than one thing at a time every day - I like to pretend otherwise.... And then this random little woman gave me a compliment - she said I had regal head posture. I'll take what I can get - she didn't say I was beautiful - but who needs beauty when you've got a regal head posture, right? :)

On Pointe

Last night was Ballet Fundamentals - what is probably the basic of basic beginner ballet - someone came to the class and put on pointe shoes. If I didn't know her or hadn't been in classes with her, I would have been intimidated.

Now here's the kicker - she's no spring chicken. She's not some 12 year old little girl trying this out. And while I have NO idea what her age is and I would not be so bold as to estimate on in this note (because I like her), let's just say she's between 25 and 35 years old. However, I must say she is further along in her ballet skills than me -much further. Frankly, the idea of putting on pointe shoes makes me think my ankles will snap like toothpicks!

There are six of us in class: 5 women and 1 man plus MDB. We pull out an additional barre and get rollin. Of the other 4 people, only one other person is a regular (about 3 ballet fundamental classes in). The guy is new, yet another tall, willowy redhead and the newbies are rounded out by a tall, light skinned black woman.  The tall light skinned woman is the new owner of 'WTF' Face. She trades it off with the newer regular - and on occasion all of us have it! With the exception of MDB, of course - who makes it through class without laughing at us :)

I'm starting to get through more and more of the barre combinations without messing up.
Side Bar: It's ABOUT FREAKIN' TIME! We only had to take classes for 3 months!!
Menty: No thanks to you. What have you contributed other than sarcasm...
Side Bar: Hey, hey, hey now! I have to keep us laughing to keep from crying - you do your part, I do my part, physie brings up the rear - literally!
We put the barres away and move on to center floorwork and traveling combinations. And we revisit 'timing of the thighs' - temps de cuisse. Apparently my thighs timing is OFF! This is the third class (possibly the fourth) and I can finally do at least one - skipping all the finer details. MDB doesn't want us to look like 'drunken sailors' where our heads are leading our bodies around. But mostly Side Bar is thinking: TOO LATE!
I'm going to miss next week because I'm away on business, so MDB if you read this - wait until I come back to go jete's in the traveling combinations! I haven't leapt out the class door in weeks now :)

Tonight, I didn't do so well. I had an off night. Maybe that was the problem with taking two beginner classes in row. Maybe taking MDB on Tuesday followed by Mr. Heinz on Wednesday was sooooo bad and soooo hard because I'm not able to sustain two 1.5 hour classes 24 hours apart with remotely consistent progress- or maybe it has something to do with getting up early and going to the gym the same morning?? I don't really know. 


Anyway, we start out in Studio B and again - apparently the "All Call for Tall" has gone out because I'm surrounded by women my height and taller - which is fine - as long as they are also within my weight range as well. But no - they appear not to love baked mac and cheese, cinnamon scones and pecan rolls as much as I (please note - this is an exaggeration - though I am on the chubby side - I do not eat those things......in large quantities or with any regularity....usually :).


Today's class is almost a repeat of yesterday's class minus Curly Red and two guys. Class is all women today. I must note, though, that today is the first time I've actually seen Joel Hall at his studio. I can now check that off my bucket list: See Joel Hall at Joel Hall Dance Center So we start off with our usual barre pastries and I get lost when she adds alternating frappes on releve. It's simple enough, but I think Menty went on a little break and Physie didn't know what the hell happened. Which is why I ended up with 'WTF' face. ACK!


We moved from Studio B to Studio D for our center floor work, which typically are feats of balances. Yesterday and today's feat of balance was the five arabesques. My right leg has had less issues so my right side is more stable - my left leg has all the issues actually - so I have to work harder on that side. So I wobble on the left. Not to mention that MDB appears to be Stuck on WATER PHRASING! MDB says - glide your hands across the water to second arabesque arms. 
Side Bar: Ummm - remind me never to go to the same gym as her. 
Menty: She keeps making these water references....
Side Bar: Let's not worry - the closest we get to water here is the water fountain...and all this GOT DAMN SWEATING!


We complete a series of traveling floor combos that make me feel physically and mentally handicapped - though - I've seen them before, done them before - ok, ok - screwed them up before - but today I felt like I struggled more. 


I'm going to blame it on my dear Aunt Flow. She's due to visit soon. She comes into town, screws with my self-esteem, toys with my emotions, throws my coordination outta whack and leaves town in a blaze of glory - the beeetch.


I have one more class this week - and then I'm heading to New Orleans for work. I'm not actually stupid enough to take a ballet class in New Orleans - if changing from teacher to teacher in Chicago is so different - I don't want to throw in crawfish too!

Signing Up for More Punishment

Time for an interruption in your daily program: I am NOW taking Beginner Ballet/Ballet I on Mondays AND Tuesdays! That's right - just when you thought I was getting my act together - or at least considering Modern dance - I am a two timer!! But it's still with MDB.

Some of my long time followers may think I have finally become sadistic - but I was taking MDB and Mr Heinz beginner classes at the same time for three weeks. But his class made me feel like a circus freak turned Side Bar Comic...or maybe I just felt like a circus freak because everyone else was so good?? I'm going to skip looking at that - my posts are already quite long.

Today in class, I saw myself. I'm not talking - saw myself in the mirror - I mean saw someone that came to beginner class thinking it was really beginner and learned that it REALLY FLIPPIN' WASN'T!! She was a petite little thing with curly red hair and slender. She was wearing all the right clothes - including those hideous flesh tone tights finished with pink slippers.  Since I've recently gotten over my phobia of ballerinas (i.e. I don't mind being in close range without fear of being kicked in the head or pressure to lose 20 lbs in 5 seconds), Menty said,"Alrighty then. Let's go."

There was 9 people in class - 7 women, 2 men and MDB. And MDB starts with her usual warm up but it's more advanced than ballet fundamentals - i.e. A LOT FASTER in the explanation and a LOT SLOWER in execution. 

Side Bar: Just watching her do this is making me anxious

Physsy: YOU? 

Menty: WE can do this. Go team Go!

All the while Curly Red has "WTF" face the whole class. And I have sympathy for her because only lately do I make regular contact with Ethereal - not full time - Ethereal is going to have make some eye level appearances for that - but I'm looking up more - worrying about feet and ARMS for a change. I'm more conscious of the leveling of my hips, the point of my toe, keeping my hands from being 'hamburger holders' - thumbs down - not up - "We aren't holding hamburgers!" Thanks MDB - sometimes I am :)

So I've signed up for more punishment and I'm ok with that. But now I've become the petite woman collector - every little woman in class - short and skinny (non hair color specific) - talk to me or stand by me in class. With the exception of MDB, whom I adore and FEAR, I don't want to stand next to my polar opposite in every class. No offense, but standing next to you makes me taller, wider and browner - don't do me any favors :) I've got enough complexes!

Oh! And my new dessert item for today is temps de cuisse - which does not translate to time to make the donuts!

Adventures in Beginner Ballet: Pausing for Perfection

First, this blog started off as notes on my facebook page. But my facebook page is on lock down because I like to speak my mind there -freely without edit and without reprimand. So for those of you just joining me in this adventure - here are the highlights:

I started taking beginner ballet lessons as Joel Hall Dance Center about three months ago. I have no prior ballet experience, but dance experience in one other form. The formats aren't even remotely related - other than the word DANCE - can be used to describe them. I have been tripping my way through this learning experience - literally sometimes - and dealing with my internal mental framework in the process. Because WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD SIGN UP FOR BALLET AT 31 YEARS OLD??  But I did armed with the Technical Manual and Dictionary of Classical Ballet third revised edition by Gail Grant, which makes even me question my sanity. So why not write about it? And I have for the last three months. So welcome to the inner dialogue in my mind during classes.


We start class in Studio B with 7 people in class (6 women and 1 man) plus Mini Dominatrix Ballet Instructor (henceforth referred to as MDB).  In a class that has been averaging at least 2 per class per week, I was kinda wondering where they went - but frankly, I'm ok with ZERO in class.

I'm at the front of class closest to MDB because I'm working this reverse pyschology trick. Typically people overlook the people closest to them because they 'assume' they see you quite well. What happens most times is the teacher will walk around and come back to the person in front last. It appears to work periodically. I haven't had MDB fingers or thumbs pinning my chubby hips and thighs to my side causing inner thigh rubbage for at least two classes now :).

We start with our usual French pastry assortments of vocabulary which make me sad that I skipped dinner before coming, but what can I do? We start with demi to full tendus, into degages (aka cockroach flickers, which is MDB's helpful hint on PROPER ankle and foot positioning), into frappes, into rond de jambs, into battements with serres and serres les reins (which means tightening of the loins - don't ask me I didn't make this shit up). MDB goes off on a tangent about arms positions that ends with us going to a gym pool so we can get our arms right. I was with her until she mentioned 'coming up OUT OF THE WATER' to which Side Bar (my sarcastic mental self that provides random comic relief) blurts out (of my own mouth): I'm NOT getting my hair wet! Have you ever noticed there aren't any black female Olympic divers or swimmers? That is NOT a stereotype - it's the truth! Everyone laughs at this...because we are all going through our memories thinking - DAMN, she's right :)

The Joel Hall performance group was out of town last night, so we got to go to the Fish Bowl (big room in the front used for really large classes but anyone in a car or walking on foot can see right into the studio) for our floor combinations and traveling combinations. First, we did Soubresaut - which looks seriously like little bunny hops (both feet), but you are using your TING (butt) muscles to activate the movement (or so I think- don't quote me I'm not an expert - I'm totally, truly, moronically a beginner). Then we move onto chasse, pas de bourree. We do go into little jumps as well and this is the first time I've been able to do them all with kneepads or the barre for support. She adds other movements as well, but I don't take notes of which ones I learn per class. I just open my dictionary and check off the words - so I get on youtube and get further instruction - aka watch about a thousand times and screw it up in the privacy of my own home. I'm pretty sure my cat is highly entertained by this.

What I am just realizing is all the little pauses that make this particular dance form so hard. MDB and all classically trained ballet dancers have the ability to STOP TIME while in the air. It's not just a jump - it looks like someone hit the pause button for a second before they land. So now, I need to work on my PAUSE button - I wonder what the word is for that????